I would love to be able to say “New year, same me”, but the truth is I don’t think I can. I don’t think I can because I am not the same me I was this past year. I am not that immature, suicidal, depressed, longing human that I was in 2016.
I started 2016 with amazing people as friends, I was finishing up my second semester of college and I thought I was happy. Boy was I so wrong. At the end of my first year of college, I ended up being on probation for failing god knows how many classes, my depression and anxiety was the worst that it has ever been, I was so selfish for the wrong reasons, I got in a car crash that now makes me very anxious to drive my car, my best friend (cousin) lost her husband to cancer and left behind a child and a beautiful wife, and I lost these people I called friends over childish things. Not mention my mind telling me “drop out of college, you don’t need it, it’s hard, just get a job at a fast food restaurant. Or my mind telling me “kill yourself, your life is boring anyway, no one will miss you”. With all of these horrifying thoughts and events that kept invading in my life, I am so glad that they happened. I would most certainly not be the strong young adult that I am today.
I am now a 19-year-old feminist in training, history lover, enthusiasts of all sorts of amazing things, and most importantly I am really starting to enjoy life, something I thought I would ever be able to say. I’m starting to love myself, really love myself. And not in the cocky, coincidence selfish way. In the “in order to love life, or to love others, you have to learn to love yourself” way. It is okay to be selfish, for the right reasons, like for your own mental and physical health.
The great thing about it is that I’m still improving every day. I’m learning new things every day, like why there was a World War II, or if Trump is related to Hitler.
So no, I can’t say “New year, same me”, because that sad little girl is deep down in a grave and is never coming back.
Xoxo, Natasha Soto