I’ve been asking you guys on my social medias what this means to you and never did it occur that I should share what it means to me. Finally someone asked me, so here I am telling you what this means to me.
I couldn’t tell you how much I needed someone to tell me to just focus on becoming a better version of myself rather then becoming someone else. I needed someone to tell me that I have the power to become who I want to be and no matter what I will always be, me.
I used to joke with my friends about the “evolution of maddy” how I would transform into a different character every school year. But as I think about it now, it wasn’t really all that funny. I was struggling with heavy depression and changing in the only ways I knew how in attempt to “fix” myself. It took me until I was about 16 to understand and accept that no matter where you run, turn, or hide, you’ll always run into yourself, so why keep running?
“New year, same me” is my reminder that I’m always going to be myself no matter how much time goes by. It’s my reminder that time doesn’t change anything, you are the only one who’s able to make change for yourself so make the right ones.
I’d write page after page in my journal of new years resolutions, one after the other of ways to change myself. -die your hair, dress like this, only listen to this kind of music, etc.- the list goes on and on and although resolutions are to better yourself, I was trying to lose myself. I hadn’t grasped the concept of taking control of my current life, or consider how my actions were causing my outcome. If it wasn’t working out I thought I could just drop my current life and move on to a better one…. wrong.
It took me a bit of time to stop writing lists of things I wanted to take up and who I wanted to be, it was senseless because theres only one person I could ever be and thats myself. It took a lot of time to love the being that holds my soul and better the being that holds my soul, not beg for it to change. I’m always going to be the curly haired girl with big brown eyes and the trademark freckle on my left hand. I’m always going to be me.
Its a new year but it will ALWAYS be the same me, and I wouldn’t trade that for the world. I’ll always work to be a better me, and I’ll never work away from me. I love me. I want to be me. I’m proud of me. It may be a new year, and next year will be another new year, and so on and so forth… but I’ll always be me.
I needed something like this. I needed the sugarcoating and the fake fronts to disperse during my times of vulnerability, it blurred my vision and perception of real life… THIS is real life. I don’t understand why so many people are so afraid to embrace whats inside, whats natural. I needed someone to tell me what was real so that’s why I’m doing this. I’m doing this because I know I’m not the only person who needed to hear this stuff, needed someone to care for just a moment. I hope I can be your someone and I hope that you know that there is no one better in this entire world to be then yourself.